However you decide to try it, reframing is about training your brain to find and focus on the positive. This helps the negativity not feel so overwhelming or permanent. After all, messing up one work presentation is only one instance — and it means you can do better next time.
Self-hatred can make you want to isolate. Or you might feel like no one even wants to be around you. Connecting with others is a huge part of our mental well-being because social interaction helps us to feel better about ourselves.
It creates an environment in which we feel valued and cared for. Go for a coffee, see a movie together, or simply visit while taking a walk together. Consider talking to others dealing with similar issues online. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has an online support group for people dealing with a range of issues. The National Alliance on Mental Illness can also help you find a group in your area.
Self-compassion is different from self-love. It means accepting your negative thoughts, mistakes, and failures, and understanding them as messy human moments. The next time you find yourself spiraling down the self-hatred rabbit hole, try to cut yourself some slack. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. But studies have shown that, much like reframing or meditation, self-compassion is a trainable skill. Everyone has been where you are at one point or another, and most need a little help to get through.
Start by asking yourself a few basic questions:. Next, start making a list of therapists in your area. If you live in the U. Concerned about the cost? Our guide to affordable therapy can help. Your parent may have had mental health problems that prevented them from teaching you to love yourself and feel good about yourself. Not liking yourself is common, but not mentally healthy. Although many people say, "I hate myself," it's healthier to see yourself in a more positive light.
There's nothing wrong with noticing when you make a mistake, or seeing the value in others. However, good mental health requires that you see yourself as basically good. There are many ways to overcome feelings of hating yourself.
Treat yourself to some positive self-talk every day. Remind yourself of the good things about who you are. Notice the helpful things you do for others. Pay attention to the ways you show your skills, talents, and abilities. Give yourself credit whenever you accomplish something. Write down these good things about yourself, say them to yourself, or say them to others. Practice positive self-talk daily to realize, "I have value in myself and and to others.
Low self-worth usually starts in early childhood. Perhaps your parents or even your siblings said harmful and hurtful things about you often. If your parent had little self-worth, you might have followed their lead, thinking that this was the way people are supposed to feel about themselves. If your parent never allowed you to try things on your own, and be successful as an individual, it may have caused you to think that you weren't as competent as others.
Even if you learn to love yourself later, those feelings may come rushing back when you face a significant setback or failure. Most people have things they dislike about their bodies. However, negative feelings about your physical appearance can keep you from pursuing your goals, seeking out friends, or being happy.
If you frequently have extremely negative thoughts and feelings about your body, you might have body dysmorphic disorder. The causes of this disorder vary. Sometimes, the problem comes when parents place unrealistic expectations on how their child should look. Other times, parental neglect can play a part. As you grow up, you may have developed behaviors that increased the problem, such as negative self-talk and beliefs that your life would be perfect if you could just change your appearance.
A healthier view is to accept your body the way it is now, but still strive to improve your health and grooming habits. For most people, self-esteem doesn't stay at a consistent level throughout their lifespan. Whether you generally have high or low self-esteem, there may come a time when you suddenly doubt yourself more than usual.
Sometimes this happens after a series of unfortunate events. For example, maybe your spouse left you, you lost your job, and you made a financial error all within a short time. When your life situation suddenly takes a turn for the worst, it's easy to blame yourself, and common to think there's something wrong with you that is making these things happen to you.
Your self-esteem might also drop if you are having health problems that prevent you from doing the things you were once good at. The important thing is that you sort out the real causes of these events so you can gain perspective, and increase your emotional strength and resilience. You can increase your self-esteem. Yeah, I know, freaky right? Unnatural maybe? I still am. I mean I hated myself for a long time, for being different, but u know what?
These people that focus on putting others down will get nowhere in life, and secretly they know it. It s people like us, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos that will run this country, and have done so before. I know that expressing yourself this way, venting as is, is overall good for you to get it of your chest, and help you let go of things. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your life is you.
Wauw I know the post is from ages ago. But for a seventeen year old I think your style of thinking is amazing. And though I am way older I really feal supported by your last sentence. Thank you so much for your post. I hate posts like this. Starting off on that foot means that the rest of the article is also inapplicable to me and generally seems to be rephrasing CBT and making it look like some revolutionary technique credited to the Firestones alone, which could not be further from the truth.
Hey, i rather not mention my name. I have experienced bullying from age Everyday these voices of the bullies haunt me day after day.
One day i finally found the perfect guy, i know it may sound strange coming from a 17 year old girl. I was myself around him , for once i felt like myself like i was free.
So i ended up pushing him away. Today after reading this little article i realized i have to try to get the real me out, to try to get him back, and to leave the negative me behind. It may be a struggle to do but thanks to you i believe it can be done. Excellent article. I would like to point out, though, that people can boost those positive or negative feelings.
The only thing that brings me back to life and helps me feel relaxed with people is alcohol. I feel content with alcohol and I can have a laugh and connect with people — no problems. My parents have never shown much love, mainly disapline and money orientated. If my parents brought me up the way they did and this is what I am because of it, then I guess this is what I have to man up and face.
I have to admit this article has got me thinking that maybe I am not the only one with that destructive inner voice problem. Thanks for putting that worry out of my mind. Besides the article, the comments have helped me immensely to realise that it is okay to have these problems in the first place as long as you fight it and not drown in despair. They refused to acknowledge the problems I had with myself brushing it aside as attention seeking behavior.
As a result I had stopped confiding in my mom who used to be my bestie as I used to and kept of my problems to my self. But in reality this only seemed to be fodder to the inner critic and the self loathing escalated. This kept me from making friends as well in fear of being perceived as damaged. But finally I am in a place where I no longer withhold my problems if I have any.
I open up to my best friends thankfully I have made three even if I still have difficulties with my parents. Thank you. I am saddened to learn so many of you are self loathing out there. I am 31 years old, have a job, an apartment and a wonderful fiance. I happen to be pretty and thin and most people accept me at this point. I too have been bullied through out elementary and middle school. Those experiences resulted in extreme social anxiety.
I used to base my self worth on my appearance and sometimes still do at times, but have learned my low self esteem has absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. My self esteem is attributed to many experiences of ridicule and childhood bullying. I was raised by loving parents, but both of them suffered with addictions.
Now, as an adult I know we should not look to external factors to dictate our self esteem and self worth. I still, to this day suffer with social anxiety and what people think of me and how they perceive me etc. In looking into my issues, it is not them who I am concerned with though. I am the one who is judging and critizing myself when I am out with friends or social settings.
They are not judging me the way I think they do. I am trying to avoid my own self critic, and therefore tend to choose to opt out of social events. The worst part about doing that is that I then feel super guilty and mad at myself for not being normal enough to just go out and have fun.
I then self loathe as a result of opting out as well. It seems you cant win when you try to prevent these feelings. My poor fiance has suffered through many of my social anxiety and panic attacks. If he tells me we are going to his parents for dinner, I tend to have a meltdown pretty fast. Even if we are going out with friends, I have to punish and berate myself and hate myself for a good few hours before I go out. BUT I do know listening to our instincts, and our true selves can set us free.
If you realize you are afraid of yourself and do not trust yourself enough to enjoy life then please do seek help. Your life was not meant to live in fear and self hate. Each day take steps to do the things that make you happy. The only person that can change how you feel is you.
So work on convincing yourself you are worthy. Ultimately your opinion is the one that matters. Do not look to others to build you up. They will never be able to heal your wounds. I would just like to add that all of you possess a commendable quality!! The ability to be vulnerable and share your stories with strangers shows a tremendous amount of courage and bravery. Most people hide their insecurities and pretend to be okay. You all were all brave enough to share your stories and will now be helping many people because you chose to speak up about having low self esteem.
For that alone, you are a quality human being who is worthy and deserving:. I have trouble making friends and being friends with people. Before I made friends and lost almost every single one of them save for one and now I honestly cannot seem to make any friends at all.
I have this deep rooted fear of other people hating me and this has strangely been true in all past relationships. So I guess I maintain my distance from anyone, am polite but also cold and am mean to people who try to get close to me in any way.
I hate feeling stupid and inadequate and I feel that I am way dumber or mentally underdeveloped than other people my age. In public, it is so difficult for me now to interact with people, sometimes to even form coherent sentences.
I screw up or bore people. I also have a habit of comparing myself to every single person around and overanalysing every single detail. I go over the most trivial thing over and over again in my head with extremely negative, pessimistic thoughts. So everything, especially the way I present myself to other people, including family members, makes me hate myself to the core.
Jeez, I feel like I wrote this. This all makes perfect sense to me. I have suffered from intense feelings of not being good enough my entire life. I dont seem to be aware of the thoughts though so i find it difficult to dispute them etc. They are very self sabotaging thoughts. They allow me stay stuck where I am and not try for success of any kind.
Kind of like a battered dog that no longer will move for fear of being hit. I feel sad just writing this. I want to change this pattern and rid myself of these thoughts but not sure how. I have tried CBT and found it not to be very useful. I am a very confused person; too indecisive.
But i knew it was merely my luck; especially in the latter and i felt completely useless. I cant have myself sit and study for some reason! I vile my time looking for solurions for this confusion i feel in life! Then i feel extremely guilty about it! I know id make an amazing doctor- its my passion. But what d hell am i doing- running away — feeling lost — ignoring my problems- watching movies and spending time on FB instead! If someone can help me — it will be great — any advice is welcome ….
Im glad it deters from blaming my parents. Im not sure where, or when this started in my life. I know im tired of feeling like a dweeb. Im very sick of my inner voice calling me horrible names.
Then when i do get my wish and have many friends, my inner voice tells me what great people my friends are for allowing me to hang out with them. That they feel sorry enough for me to let me be part of their group. I am 53 years old and extremely shy. I have s of friends all across the US because people truly like me. I still feel unworthy of their friendship.
I even heard myself tell my friends and aquaintences that i didnt and dont expect good treatment. That its ok to be mean or rude to me. I know its wrong now, and i want to be happy. Please help. Im 19 and I have always struggled with my appearance.
In my eyes I am disgusting, overweight, undeveloped mis matching breasts, spotty, out of proportion and I know its true. I recently found the cause of many of these issues was because of polycystic ovary syndrome. I look at other girls my age with their beautiful faces and bodies and I feel sick when I look at myself. I grew up knowing I would never have a boyfriend but I do. I have started doubting my relationship he is so outgoing and confident im the complete opposite I feel i hold him back.
I wonder why hes with me and if he is just waiting for someone better to come along. I have noone my doctors treat me like a hypochondriac because I am an anxious person and I do visit too much but ive stopped that now. My family just think im being silly but I cant even call a support number Im never alone or talk to a professional as I think they will just think im a psycho.
Just down in the dumps and that is why i googled this and it does make a lot of sense. I just wish I could get over it alreadyl. I am a 20 year old male with no friends or social life. I truly am bisexual. I know it sounds ambiguous but i have dealt with this since i have enough reason, and I acknowledge that im not straight, but im also not gay. Society expects black and white, and i feel like im not.
Im depressed more than i am happy. My therapist said, that because i was sexually abused twice as a child by two different men on different occasions, that i have made a connection with pleasure and the male sex organ.
Because i felt pleasure. It was wrong i know, but i have hope. This has been a salvation to find. It gives me peace to know that there is hope for someone as broken as me.
Hi, my name is Amanda. I have had strong feelings of self doubt from a very young age. My dad is a very irratable person and works at home. As a result my brother and I had to be very quiet when we were little or he would blow up. When I was around 10 I was kind of chubby and my mom was always criticizing me for being fat.
I remember feeling really bad about that. If my mom called me fat I would go in my room and destroy all of the honor roll awards that I got from school.
Now I am 17 and am an alcoholic. I was cutting my arms with a razor before, but now I drink instead. I even drink on the weekdays and feel horrible at school. I have absolutely no communication with my mom, and very little with my dad. I have grown into my body and am not fat at all anymore, but now my mom criticizes me for being a vegan. I feel very alone. My dream is to join the army and my siblings or anybody does not know, I have tried to tell people but im fat and my parnents would say no and my siblings would say ur too fat.
My dad is on business trip and we all know he still cheats on my mom. That makes me want care from other people. And then i got gf. Then we broke up at the end.
I cry almost everyday. I afraid to believe in people again. Can you advise me? The popular kids at my school tend to judge and I feel very intimidated when they r around. I feel like they r criticizing me every second!!! I feel that I have to do do what everyone else is doing to fit in. I really look up to my BFF and whatever she does I feel the need to do it to fit in.
Not once. I love my best friend, but she one ups me in everything is just a little better my parents want to move which adds even more to my depression!!! Btw I cried all the way through reading this. In a realization way. I am about 4 stone over weight, which would be about 56 pounds, and my dad never fails to point this out to me. I know to a certain extent this is my fault. A work in progress I guess.
But my dads constant criticism is hollowing me out inside. I spend the vast majority of my time in his company sucking up to him in the hope that he will not mention my weight, and begin is tirade of abusive rhetoric. He has on numerous occasions mentioned he is ashamed to have members of his side of the family see me, and he says he hates hugging me because he can feel my fat.
I work very hard and I am a cleanly person. All these criticisms are breaking my heart, and leaving me in a constant state of anxiousness. I am never comfortable. I often wish myself away from family home, and back at my desk in work because it is one of the only places I feel accepted, and even there I am constantly on edge.
Does my breath smell, does my skin smell, is this top hugging me too tightly and can everyone see my fat? When I make a remark I instantly feel as if it was a stupid thing to say. When interacting with a set group of people such as colleagues, I am constantly feeling as if I am the disliked one. Hi Mary, I felt very sad reading your comment.
You sound like a lovely young woman. If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you spend around your abusive father. His behavior is abuse and it is not acceptable. Is there a way you could move out of your family home or find activities that would keep you out of the house more? Wishing you happy holidays and a happy birthday! I feel like because I was beat daily and my step mother reminded me daily thay noone liked me and I was stupid.
Im 36 now and I cant trust or really like anyone I guess ill feel this way forever a complete waste of life. I have never been abused. I was always happy, lucky, had and have a great family that takes care about me. But i hate myself. I hate myself for not being what i want to be, for being too lazy at one time, and not having enough rest at another.
I hate myself and i hate others. Some i can accept and love. Others i hate. For no reason i hate, and hate. But how comes i manage to scare people away with my thoughts.
In one place i act like all people do, in another i act polite and careful, in third i act angry. Almost all of them love me still. Am i hallucinating? What is wrong, and is something wrong, is there anything i have to do? Not that i would do it, i just wish to know. The unknown eats me from inside, and the worst thing is that nobody can give me a valid answer!
There is no truth, we know nothing, and we will never know. All is wrong, all is different, nobody will ever understand a person sitting right next to them! And yet i wonder, why. Why do i bother myself hating others. Why do i bother myself with anything at all. I have to keep on going forward, i cant quit. This is not something i must quit. I am from India…. I am completely shattered and needs an expert advice. I prepare well for an examination and is failed.
I was sure that i had done well…now i lost all my self confidence. I want to become a researcher. Normally i dont talk much to people about my problems, thinking that they are not interested in listening..
Oh my, I read some of your input and I just want to cry. I was so much against them. It started working after 2 weeks. Heyy shabx here! I wana marry him n he also have same proffession as my father my prob is I dnt wana hurt my parents plus wana marry him I hate my self cuz I em disobeying em wht should I do :'. Why do I hate myself so much, I look in the mirror at my self and I am disgusted.
I try and exercise and I feel like I am going to break my ankle and my chest starts to hurt I also feel like I am not able to get enough air in my lungs. I constantly feel like punching a wall to hurt myself because I am to much of a wimp to hurt myself. I feel like everyone expects me to make them happy no matter how I feel about it. I use work for an escape from that stressor. The new guy is putting everything in the wrong place and inventory is next month.
I want the managers supervisor position but I know that I will never be good enough for that job. I try to exercise to get ride of stress but it hurts so I stop and I just try not to eat and fail. Everything that I do I fail. What is the point of trying when there is so many more people better then you. I am so mad all of the time because I feel that I will always be stuck at my husbands parents house. Every penny I make goes to my husband and what he wants.
So I never can save my money. We are stuck here and it sucks, I am trapped here. Everyone here hates each other they are always yelling at each other. I hate my self I want someone to hurt me because I cant do it my self. I cant do anything right someone is always mad at me. I have been snapping at people a lot even when they are actually being nice. I fear I have lost myself and I am never coming back. I hate who I am I am fat and ugly and a horrible person. I feel that I am completely worthless I cant do anything right an I always feel like crap.
I am just dragging everyone down. I need someone to talk to me that wont yell at me. I deal with this as a 40 year old man. That feeling is still there though. Still real and powerful. I hate the world. Everything is pointless. Objectively, I know these thoughts are self-destructive, and that the world is beautiful as well as ugly, and that life is what you make of it.
Those are just rational thoughts though. The thoughts that feel emotionally real are the self-destructive ones, and it is those that are with me through everything, like a barrier I have to push through every day in order to live some semblance of a normal life.
Im 20 years old im a girl thats why i have been kept in house for years no school no college n now i am getting married i always feel that i am not perfect i hate everyone in my life i just for once want to live like other people i have been home. In my mid forties and still hating everything about myself. Too tall, overweight, not beautiful , no talents and not really good at anything. Just feel like I am the perfect example of what not to do.
The only thing that I did right was not having children. Somehow i value myself by numbers, my net-worth is always too low. BMi needs to go way down. I tried so hard to make something of my life but got nowhere. I spend my roaring twenties in prostitution. I always tried to learn something , took bookkeeping classes and moved on to normal office jobs. Greener pastures were found outside of Europe, i got a student visa for a school in a rural area overseeas and married my fantastic husband I am now feeling stuck in the wrong carreer , i am always working and not getting anywhere.
I am trying to start my own business, but it is a battle, just like keeping my weight down. Looking forward ,dark clouds are on the horizon, with an aging husband he is 22 years older than me a 95 year old mother in law that is having alzheimer, an 85 year old dad with health issues and an 87 year old boss, all needing my care and assistance. Not sure how I am going to get through this and still come out broke. Dad, mil and boss are all very demanding and just feel trapped and out of ideas to make life better.
I happen to be kind of overweight and this has always been my major problem. My mother is very often pushing on this, she tells me that I should be way slimmer, that other girls are prettier because they are thin. Lately I noticed something weird on my sleep schedule: I feel demotivated and tired more oftern.
And here my mother comes again. I am a good student and I study everyday, but lately my focus has decreased. My marks got worse: from 70 — 80 to the lastest ones, Today I had a math test, I gave my paper and then waited for everyone else to get out of class. Then I cried. The teacher was still in, so he talked to me and I got slowly calmer. They even sell smoke to each other.
But they, she says, they are the perfect daughters. I have possibilities of having both social anxiety and the Asperger Syndrome. Hi i am anil, I have been through lots of ups and downs in my life. I am short heighted person. I was bullied during my school days but last 2 years of my school life was amazing as i changed my school.
Later i shifted to another city for my college and found it difficult to adjust initially. I have started feeling what if i go to another company Right now i am happily working in a company where everyone acknowledges me where whatever had happened to me in the past happens again. Please help me.
It keeps making me depressed. Please read my story. Well it started when I had to choose the biggest yet decision in my whole 19 years of life. It was when I had to choose my university. I originally dreamed of studying overseas, I used to dream of it so much that it was the only thing that I strive to live for. To study locally, and I rejected all those other, much better offers to go overseas. I regretted it after some time. Ig just hurts. It has come to haunt me again from time to time even after a year had passed.
Can you help tell me about my condition? It may seem like a small matter, but it really is slowly killing me from inside. Finally, thanks for reading this rambling thoughts of mine. I appreciate your efforts. I hate myself when i saw my mother, because the longer i being at home, the more i realised that i have her character.
My mother is a self centered woman who wanted to be loved and need attention all the time. Everyday I hear her nagging all the time, about how her body is not well, ask my father to massage her, about how much house work she should do everyday, and the worst is when she asked me why i am always looked sad when i am around her. And i am being the same as her. I always nag to my boyfriend, want him to be always beside me, always complain Just like my mother. I cannot be happy around her, because i feel like seeing the copy of me.
I want my boyfriend to have a good wive, i have a thought about breakup with him, he deserve better. And me? Maybe i will just fine and not married.
I genuinely believe the only good thing about myself are my looks. It sounds vain but my personality is so screwed up I had to find one thing about myself to even remotely like. During our first winter A-level results I messaged him sending the same message twice because I forgot I;d sent anything first his reply was so delayed.
I snapped back but all I wanted to do was apologise the guilt was crushing me. I never handled it well. He made me try to find him for twenty minutes then when I did completely blew me off in front of all my friends. I only had 5 minute before the coach left and it was as the coach was leaving he decided he was interested in my existence.
Once again I just blamed myself and it took me a long time to accept any of it was his but when I did I heaped all the blame on him.
I would frequently devalue myself and I found socialising with people I barely knew like navigating a mine field. The easiest solution was to lock new people out. Just before I went off to uni I summoned up my courage and told my friend I liked him. I got rejected because I was leaving. I came back home for a couple of days and he first response was we should hook up.
Knowing full well I still have feelings for him. I hate myself so much. I feel like this all the time. I make so many mistakes and I hate myself for them. I get called out for things I know are wrong and I snap and call their faults out too and I hate it. And I hate, hate and hate. But I found the worst things that leave my mouth are almost always the worst ways I feel about myself.
I criticise others for the things I hate in myself or when I hate myself. And I hate myself some more for doing so. Being a mother now and dragging my daughters through the same shit my parents made me go through I feel so ashamed and unworthy of any admiration. And there are things I like about myself. But this constant feeling of never being good enough, I wish it would dissappear. I want to be the mother others are.
And meeting the emotional needs of their children. I want to be the parent I wish I had. But I have no qlue how to. God how I wish I could heal myself and forgive.
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